Dear Diary Feb. 3, 2007 GCAMF II
I showed up with “Gurp City Girls” and “GurpScouts” stickers. And they were both big hits. It was definitely the night of the GurpScouts. People were hella looking out for each other’s gurp, and everybody was hella trying to earn malt liquor merit badges
by double-fisting $6 forties of Olde E like they were playing Edward Forty-hands. Early in the dusk at Space Gallery, Marz (the gracious host of the event who consumed 2 forties before 8 pm and spent the rest of the night verging on black outâ€”you gotta love this guy!) started cooking the boiled hot dogs that would serve as our sustenance. Did anybody notice the pair on the bartender downstairs at Space Gallery? Now that’s my kind of art! Topr called in NASA and got his teeth fixed! Conceit you next!
Here’s a rundown of the performances:
He started off with some hyphy mash-upsâ€”Neil Young and Federation??? “I gotta get out of this place.”
G-Pek and Fay Dogâ€”A+
It was the first time I saw those guys and they weren’t on the verge of calling earl while they performed. I found out Fay Dog is a seasoned gangsta MC, overlooked Bay Hog and a master, black-belt-level sex freak. As well, G-Pek was fuckin’ up the clickitty-clack hella nice. Thuggy, you’ll need to get your game up if you want to reform 6-Feet-Deep.
Me and Topr freestylingâ€”C- (for Coors Light)
I actually had the gall to start a chorus that went: “Get on the dance floor, get in the mix, I got a new, robotic dick!” Oh, go Luke. Topr was getting used to his new teeth, but he still served ‘em, fresh off a video shoot.
Handsome Gorgeous and the Gorgeous Armadaâ€”A+
Anthony is hands down the best Gurp City performer ever (he just took the title from Hardcore Jerryâ€”sorely missed this year). I love the way the bassist and guitarist switch axes with each other between every song. Fresh Meat, Gleem, I’m a Cop, O.J. and Courtney, Flossin’, The Fucked Up Cover of Beyonce’s “To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left,” etc.â€”these songs are classicks! Somebody get me a CD. Do they even record, or does Handsome just do photo shoots? Other than Anthony’s pit stains, the best part was when some of the Pumpkin Cutter girls and gurpettes wanted to take a picture with Handsome. He said, “Oh, you want me to give you some sweat?” and took his shirt off an’ laid the beer gut on his harem. Does anybody have a picture of this? My girl, Erika, put her high-heel pump in his crotch. She was star struck. By the end of the art show, girls were ripping pictures of Handsome Gorgeous off the walls to take home and masturbate to. Errrayy!
He kicked the hits like “Sock Yo Potna” and “Romance Novel” with the relly Casey providing the back-ups, but the highlight was when he kicked that old school routine sounding like JDL from Cold Crush. Brandon, you gotta record that track. I wanna be down.
Sam brought that hard Sacto Flavor and the purp, of course. The big man can spit like a west coast G but he can also come from that Kool G Rap descendent Big Pun school of thought as well. I need a Sammy CD too. I gave him a glass of water after Marz knighted Sammy with an orange and black Frisco Gurp City handkerchief around his neck with the utmost respect, but the shit musta been extra-medium because it choked ol’ Sam and he had to yank it off and drink that water quick fast. Great rappin’ Sam!
Huddle up! This is where the night begins to get blurry! Philo and Gus not only got mic skills but they can dance like the motherfuckin Carolina/Tennessee hillbillies as they be knowin it well that goin’ buck is the main priority. Put on “Lime and King Cobra tastes like Corona!” and fools move, straight up! I’m in awe anytime they get down, true showmanshipâ€¦ I’m hella glad y’all moved out here, it’s finah make us all better.
Eddie K and Il Squadâ€”A+
I was guzzling beer and smoking pot through out this entire set. SF Hyphy was the highlight of course. Did they go on after Conceit or before him? Who knows? Who cares? Nobody was doing Baldhead Rick’s “Heh Herrr” part at the end of the chorus, so I had to jump on stage and holla one out. Props to DJ Facials for pressing play on the CDJ and rapping every one of EK’s lyrics doin’ turf dances. Speaking of which, who was dude with the hyphy dreads and colorful child’s sleeping bag jacket at the end letting it rain and clearing it out?
I was totally blacked out. I’m sure they (Boac and Topr did his back-ups) ripped it though. I have vague memories of yelling “I will go!” and Boac’s new black-rimmed glasses. I also remember young ass Rush from Strangeface ripping a fresh verse or two. Did I rap? I forget. Gurp, gurp! Oh yeah, we (me, Top and Brandon) filmed a scene for Topr’s new video “Security, Security” out in the alley. That was fresh I’m sure. Frrrnt.
I ain’t no easy-grader either. The show was just that good!\n The rest of the Bay needs to know. What do you say we do it every month? Z-man, you missed it again!\n Thuggy, you a pussy for going home early. You missed DJ Quest and Oaty Love showing up right before last call and rockin’ the decks in front barroom of the Hemlock while all the regular tight pants uniformed rocker hipsters on the downtown scene got a dose of the \nGurp City foundation. We keep it soil-driven bitches!!! Turf shit! Gurp shit!\n I ended the night at Lydia and Brandon’s after party listening to Doug Surreal hyphy on acid beats and unreleased Brougham songsâ€”what?!?!
I call you relly, ’cause you like my relative!
Thanks to all the celebrities that attended:
DJ Stephâ€”Vinyl exchange Radio
Serj Dunâ€”Beer and Rap
Max Sidmanâ€”40 oz. Radio and Mesh Magazine
Traci Pâ€”Pumpkin Cutter
Toph Oneâ€”Red Winos/XLR8R
Lydiaâ€”Quannum and Hater Tuesday
The nefarious Mammal
Sammy’s Sac Crew
Stacks Maloneâ€”sick ass art dogâ€”get at me on those t-shirts relly
KellyAnne (that bartender at Space Gallery got nothin’ on you
K’s relly Mike (sickest, most professional gurp hypeman in the business)
Il Squad crew
SF Fist Fam
Kat, but no bellydancing Cindy? What the fuck?
The Dave SJ bartender and Bobby SJ gurp DJ
Siobhan the photographer (great flicks girl!)
The Mayor of Gurp City and the First Lady
E-Rock (and some hot chickâ€”you met her in San Jo huh?)
Dirty Rancherâ€”White Paul
Justin (Lando Coldissinum)
Emily “Boss E” (Where was Buffy?)
Bloody Vein (my boy Willow)
Sorely Missed No-Shows (you better be there next time):
Aye Jay and Matt Loomis (saw the art, but not them)
Hardcore Jerry aka Heathakilla (Did Becky Saegers boycott ’cause they weren’t included on the bill?)
Whoduk (sorry to hear about the tragedy, see you next time for sure)
Cindy the bellydancer
Buffy the Gurpslayer
Unified School District had some art up but no sign of Super Ugly
Bizzy Ranks (fo real Ed, he needs to be there next time)
Curator (shit, last year that fool was the art, but he has a good excuse, he’s skitzo, Thuggy you have no excuse!)
If I forgot to put you on this list, sorry you surely deserve it everyone does, so leave a comment and chew me out, but it’s not really my fault, relly. As Conceit says, “Don’t get mad, just get popular!” Do something to show yer down as fuck fo this Gurp City shit folks!!! Stop asking Thuggy: “When do I get my shirt? Make me a hoodie! Why don’t you have baby tees?” Do you think Wavy Gravy and Neil Cassidy asked Ken Kesey “When do we get our Merry Pranksters shirts?” Hell no. Okay, that was a gay analogy, but y’all gotta improviseâ€”make your own gear like Marz did. By the way, Marz got some shirts snagged from him at the Space Gallery. Y’all who took ‘em should fess up and pay the relly, c’mon! Everybody’s invited to join the gang, but you gotta make your own colors to flyâ€”shit make a “GurpScouts” wifebeaterâ€”make your own Gurp City gang jacketsâ€”show your own personal gurp style to the city and the rellies will never let you down. That’s real talk. Remember Lydia’s Gurp City skirt from last year? Shit.
Once again big ups to Senator Marz for making this shit happen two years in a row! Quite an accomplishment relly! And on gurp the whole time! Shit! Safe travels to Portland, Andres, and good luck with all your endeavors there. I also want to give a shout out to my girl, Erika, for being so beautiful all night and tolerating the gurp like a darling. Word billy. Luke Sick signing offâ€¦
Lemme shotgun this beer for my rellies!
“Hot shots collapse what’s left of young veins/ When I hit the turf she dropped her Cutty Bang.”â€”Luke Sick from Z-Man’s “Borrow My Eyeballs” off the “6-Pack of Dynamite” release coming soon on Machete Vox Records. Let’s rob these trains y’all!