New segment here at GCHQ. As if you didn’t know there are definitely some fat fucks around here in the Gurp. What can we say? We eat good. So I’m gonna start it off with something basic. But wait, don’t get me wrong, this is not a game people. These cats take shit serious in the kitchen, so take notes. More after the jump.
People swear they got pizza game but trust me, they don’t. I don’t care what you put on it, nothing beats a good old fresh slice of pepperoni and cheese. The next time your friend tries to get you to go eat at California Pizza Kitchen you need to punch them in the face as hard as you can for making such a retarded selection. This one is for the real pizza heads. OK lets get it started.
Buy all your ingrdients from a good old American chain grocery store. Save that all natural & organic bullshit for your hippy ass salads.
SOURDOUGH BREAD. Not French, not a baguette, not cibatta. Get a loaf with some preservatives.
But before you get started, make sure G Pek isn’t fucking around doing nothing and that he’s staying busy in the lab cranking out beats.
Here we go (this ones for you Sergdunny!)
Be sure to cover a cookie sheet with foil then split the loaf in half and butter that bread with a nice light coat on top…
AND on the bottom, YES face down on the pan just like that!
Now in a 350 degree pre-heated oven put the loaves (face down) in the oven for around 20 mins.
While thats going on fix up your cheeses (mozzarella and sharp cheddar only don’t fuck it up with something stupid like provalone, swiss or pepperjack)
and your pepperonis. Don’t be lazy you bitch, cut them up its better trust me.
The bread is ready when you flip it over and can see that the bottom is toasted and crispy. If its still soft keep in in for another 5 mins.
Dont go weak on the sauce. Make it happen, do it for the children.
Bump up the oven to 400
Now you pizza’s probably wont look all Picasso-like when you first try this out. Don’t be discouraged! it takes years to perfect such masterful skills.
The final touch, Parmesan cheese. BEFORE you cook the pizza. Putting it on after is for amateurs who have to have their pizzas delivered to them like little sissys. Now put that shit in the oven.
While its cooking make sure G Pek is still in his room making hot beats.
It should only take a few minutes for the cheese to start melting once you see an amazing ocean of melted cheese and pork like this one you’re almost there.
Kick it up to broil and watch the mozzarella cheese go from white to slightly golden and you have achieved perfection. It’s time to take it out.
If you feel the need to do so i suggest taking a bongload right about now while the cheeses cool off a little bit. The roof of your mouth will thank you for it down the road. Now you are finally ready for the greatest pizza experience of your life.
And if you feel the need to share this with someone, find yourself a G Pek, he’ll always appreciate a great meal.
Even if he knows how its going to make him feel after he eats it.
Any Gurp Grub submissions should be emailed to thuggyfresh[at]gmail[dot]com
Must include your own words and picture links because I aint writing or hosting your shit.
Thank You and Goodnight.